This whole nightmare started three months ago…
At first, I tried to hide it from my friends , family, and even my girlfriend. I have pride in my immune system, having worked in call centers for 12 years now, I’ve have had about every strand of cold ,flu, and other virus known to man. My immune system is so great, I went years without getting sick while my peers suffered around me.
So when this started I thought to myself “This will never last” . My immune system will hit it below the belt and I’ll be good as new. Now months later, I never got better…
Two months pass, and then I experienced something horrible, what I envision it would feel like to be poisoned and Instantly visit a doctor office. I should probably mention, I don’t see doctors unless I’m in fear for my life. Which has only happened three times so far since moving to the city all those years ago. My blackout spells, My double vision spells and now this.
Upon visiting the doctors office , I am prescribed medicine to try to control the nausea because at this time I am unable to stomach anything without severe nausea and vomiting. The doctor also sends me for blood work , which turns out fine. I go back to work the following day and am sent home because I’m unable to keep anything down. I get sick on the walk to work, and again in the building.
The next ten days I miss work… Not seeing any improvement with the medication. I visit the hospital as the doctor I’m seeing gives up when the blood work comes back clean. More Blood Work done. Still clean. I’m instructed by the hospital staff to get a family doctor here, since my doctor is more then a ninety minute car ride away and me without a car, impossible.
At this time I transfer my doctor out here, and am placed on sick leave from work. The vomiting stops, my weight loss stops. All other symptoms persist. My new doctor orders more blood work, because lets face it, probably a vampire in need of a midnight snack. I gain 4 pounds back from the 20-25 pounds I lost. Which is progress.
Weeks later, all tests have come back clean, I am referred to a digestive specialist. Which at this time I am waiting to see…
So why the title? I’m no good at being sick….
This illness has made me rely on others , which I have an issue with. I’ve always been a loner. Doing things by myself and taking pride in it. I will go the extra mile to make a complete stranger’s day by doing something for them. But me. I have to do everything for myself.
Even three months into this I’m struggling with letting others help me. The stubborn old man in me just wants to do everything for myself.
This illness has also had an effect on my social life. Which is funny. I’ve always been a shy person with a small circle of friends. But now I can’t do anything but melt in a puddle on my bed or couch. The lack of social interaction is killing me inside. I missed my best friend’s birthday, which hurts. I’ve always been there for her, like she has for me. But I wasn’t well enough to go to the party. It sucks.
Like today, I went to the theatre with two old friends and walked to and from, because again, self reliant. On the walk home my illness caught up to me and I was too weak to walk and had to take a twenty minute break on the sidewalk. Which put me directly in the middle of a thunder and lightning storm for the majority of the remainder of the walk.
I also have been trying to exercise, as It may take some time to see a specialist. In my eyes, I need to get stronger, because I may be forced back to work before the cause is found, and the treatment even begins. The government has allotted a time for which I can be sick, so I need to get better before then… By exercising I think I can get my strength back. The problem has been avoiding the ceiling and crashing through it. I’m all the time over exerting myself. The ceiling is always moving so I can never get standard time frame for exercise. Some days, Five minutes, Other days 30 minutes. It’s never the same.
I’m no good at being sick…