Everyone has different experiences with depression. This is my battle with the illness.

This blog has been a work in progress now for 8 months, because depression has destroyed my focus and my enjoyment in blogging…

I’ve spent most of my life hiding my mental illness,  this blog has not been an easy one to write.

I have had chronic depression off and on again for 8 years or so. At the time I didn’t do anything about it, it would always go away in a day or two. Wasn’t life altering. 

Then a year ago I came down with a mysterious illness , months went by and I saw no improvement in my condition. I went through loads of bloodwork (6 or more times) , various tests at the hospital,  dealt with a specialist,  was never able to get answers. About 8 months into this illness the depression returned, far worse then it had ever been.

I became lethargic, self care was a real issue,  lost all intrest in anything I once enjoyed. Blogging, YouTube,  Video games, Movies. My ability to focus on anything disappeared,  I could watch a movie but wouldn’t stare at the screen for more then a few minutes.  Was just noise in the background.  My relationships suffered. I lost the ability to hold conversations,  found myself distancing myself from everyone. 

At this point the thoughts of suicide began.

After talking with my family doctor I was placed on antidepressants,  I was also given a referral to Dartmouth Community Mental Health. I began seeing a therapist. 

As I type this paragraph it’s now been months of therapy and antidepressants.  Overall things are improving.  That was until my week stay at the hospital for an infection. I believe I got PTSD which is now another hurdle in my battle with mental illness.

There is help out there. It is terrifying to reach out. But it is the only way you will get better,

Brandon

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